Small questions, big questions
Or how to get unstuck
Dear Gup and Dabbles,
There are a few ways you can feel stuck. You can feel stuck in a small way, and you can feel stuck in a big way.
Feeling stuck in a small way is generally a matter of not knowing what to do or how to do something.
Feeling stuck in a big way is generally a matter of not knowing why you should do something.
The tricky thing is, sometimes you feel you’re stuck in one way, but you’re actually stuck in the other.
Say you’ve gone to a good college and you’re applying for your first job at an elite, brand name company.
You feel anxious because you don’t know how to network with the right people, answer interview questions in the right way, etc.
You’re stuck because it’s overwhelming and you feel paralyzed by all the things you think you should be doing.
On the surface, you are stuck in a small way. You can research people on LinkedIn or your alumni network who work there or know people who work there. You can research interview questions and rehearse answers.
There are very tactical things you can do to get unstuck in this case.
But sometimes the root of your stuckness runs deeper.
If you asked yourself why you wanted to work at this company in the first place, you may realize that maybe you don’t actually care about this particular company or job at all, but that you just want to be viewed as successful by your peers. Or perhaps you’re worried about falling behind in life and have convinced yourself working at this company is the way to keep up.
Once you realize you’re stuck in a big way, you can become more flexible with solutions.
Maybe in this example you start looking for people who live a “non-elite” life but are still happy. Or you start reading philosophical books about what it means to live a good life and key in on certain values that resonate. There are many options.
But again, it’s tricky to figure out whether you’re stuck in a small way or a big way, so a good solution is to cover your bets simply by asking yourself a small question AND a big question.
You can ask yourself, “What should my next step be? Why should I do this at all?”
If you’ve answered a small question, asking the big question forces you to pause and reflect. It’s a way of checking in with yourself.
If you’ve answered a big question, asking the small question forces you to actually take action and not get stuck in an infinite contemplative loop.
By pairing the small big question and big question, you’ve found a way to move through life, learn more about yourself, and make changes as needed.
Love,
Dad